Anonymous said: so... u actually stole the cheese?
okay so here’s the thing. it was the day the kings won the stanley cup so i started drinking during like the first period and the game went to /double overtime/ and i’d switched from champagne to vodka by then so like my memories of that night are incredibly hazy and mostly i just rambled in french on twitter while all my friends reminded me that actually literally none of them know french. but i woke up the next day with vague memories of swiss cheese and an empty swiss cheese package but no idea whether it was a packet that i’d stolen while drunk or if it was cheese that i’d eaten before and just not thrown the package away. and since then my mother has been either 1 incredibly supportive of my general interest in swiss cheese or 2 embarking on a subtle and soul-destroying campaign to guilt me into admitting that i took the cheese. now the cheese incident happened 3 months ago. my mother’s most recent cheese-related action was buying a 2 pound bag of swiss cheese which she handed to me and said “because you like swiss cheese so much.” that was two weeks ago. she’s made me like 4 grilled swiss cheese sandwiches since then.
i still don’t know if i took the cheese or not.